


But You Do

by onlyhereforellick



Series: Back Off [4]
Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, ellickweek, oh wait I mean angst, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23849251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: You can’t stop it. You can’t return to your body. You just- watch.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Series: Back Off [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710991
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	But You Do

**Author's Note:**

> “Shut up and kiss me already.”
> 
> DAY SIX Y’ALL, COMING IN WITH THE ANGST CLOSER.

Know that feeling?

The one where you’re suddenly floating? A wisp of you transcends your body and suddenly you’re looking down at yourself- watching you move, react, breathe...

You can’t stop it. You can’t return to your body. You just- watch.

Watch as your legs are frozen where they stand. Watch as your chest first constricts, then rapidly expands and deflates- over and over again. Watch as you try in vain to level out your breathing before finally _moving_. Watch as the scene unfolds from a bird’s eye view.

You can see everything, all at once. You can pinpoint the players in this game, spot the exact moment all will turn downhill, predict the inevitable demise in your actions.

And you could try- with all your might- to stop it. You could attempt to stand in the path of no return...but it would never work. No- you just get to watch, and take every last painful piece in. Let it wash over you as you float helplessly on the sidelines as your world crumbles, slowly.

Know that feeling?

Yeah- it felt like _shit_.

Nick watched his feet finally unglue themselves from the floor and as if in slow motion, hesitantly journey towards the beautiful blonde laughter. And he watched the moment he recognized just _what_ , or rather who, she was laughing at.

His step faltered, his chest froze. He could almost feel the instant dread settling in the pit of his own stomach, despite being on the outside looking in.

The deep, hearty laughter back sang like nails on a chalkboard to his floating ears. He watched as his body’s fight or flight response kicked in. His pulse pounding at the base of his neck, his breathing picking up speed rapidly in short, shallow breaths. His feet began to move quicker towards the duo, despite all the yelling, screaming, and holding back his subconscious wisp of air was trying.

He watched as he came less than a foot from that damn golden hair he’d spent too many nights dreaming about, noticed how the couple in front of him had yet to acknowledge his existence- happy and carefree in their own bubble of love.

And the air shifted- here it came, the moment that transcended all other moments. The point in time where you saw the past, felt the present, and knew the future would collide in a truly, truly horrific way.

Words floating up to him as he watched as a helpless spectator, unable to save his own self from the hurt he’d experience in only seconds. Words coming from deep within the chest after a round of joyous, belly laughter. Words that encapsulated that lighthearted love you felt at the beginning of a relationship. Words that ceased all thoughts of a future because it was clearly already determined.

“Shut up and kiss me already,” he’d demanded between bursts of laughter- the smile on his face threatening to blind the sun.

The blonde waves tumbled further over her back as she threw her head back giggling- the tinkling of music the sound was equivalent to the sweet taste of poison before it went in for the kill. The military-cut, statue of a man snaked his arms around her delicate middle easily taking advantage of her exposed neck as he bent to press an open-mouthed kiss on her warm pulse- the resultant girly squeal the icing on the poisonous cake.

The tanned, built man watched on from less than an arm’s length away, once filled with a budding hope quickly rushing out like the air in his lungs after a sucker punch to the gut. And yet he was still a spectator to the whole affair- separate from his body, unable to go back, unable to turn around, walk out and leave his misery behind.

Because he was floating- his body experiencing the motions for him.

Yet when that feeling stops?

Reality comes crashing back like a tidal wave does an unsuspecting shore.

“Nick Torres- is that you?” the simple question in his enviable ‘cool’ voice yanked his sidestep from reality to a screeching halt.

Nick cleared his throat, uncharacteristically at a loss for words, as reality met with an eerie daydream- a train wreck you couldn’t take your eyes off of.

Despite all alarms sounded, the voice continued, “Man, I haven’t seen you since you dumped my mom.”

Nick flinched at the bite in his tone, Richard apparently done with playing cordial—he had failed to mention that tiny piece of information way back when he told Ellie. But Nick caught the almost imperceptible widening of Ellie’s eyes from her position- still underneath Richard’s lean arm, her palm pressed firmly into his side as her fingertips rested cooly atop his chiseled abs. The perfect, sickening picture of intimacy and love.

Ellie’s brow furrowed and her nose scrunched in that adorable way Nick loved, it was the face of calculation- weighing all the facts presented to her and creating hypotheses. Before Nick could even deflect, she’d come up with a question, well rather a statement, “You don’t even like this place.”

Nick took in her perplexed gaze, could see the wheels turning in her mind- yet the words, “ _But you do_ ,” died on the tip of his tongue as he caught Richard’s overprotective—and rightfully so—glare from above Ellie’s head.

Nick struggled to come up with even a half believable excuse—his inner self flailing as it felt his entire world- hope, love, trust- collapsing around him. The walls that had been removed brick by brick leaving a lush garden in its place, slowly erecting again. Closing off the flowering meadows and vulnerability that had begun to grow in the cold, harsh wasteland of his heart. The life he’d begun to picture of a small family frolicking in the garden crumbling down, leaving ruins in its place.

It was simple—their past too much to overcome, their present too fickle to weed out, and their future...barren at the sight of Richard pressing a gentle peck to her sure to be soft blonde hair as he whispered in her ear they were next to order.

Nick wished for any moment of this, any second to return to his floating self- experience this without the pain of heartbreak, without the desolation of love lost. He yearned for that out of body, peaceful time again. One where it was happening, but at the same time it wasn’t happening.

Maybe he could’ve stopped it? Maybe he could’ve rewound the clock and changed their outcome? Maybe he could’ve changed her mind. Maybe McGee could’ve been right.

But as he muttered a lame excuse to leave under his breath and turned to back off the happy couple, Nick knew two things to be true as they bounced like echoes in his empty heart of ruins—he’d missed his only chance because they truly were...better apart.


End file.
